I was ready to start sending queries to agents. I researched how to do it. The advice was simple: (1) Only query agents who handle what you write, (2) Address one and only one agent specifically, (3) Describe your book as excitingly and briefly as possible, (4) Mention your few best writing qualifications. Do not go into your hopes and dreams; they don't care, (5) Send exactly and only what they ask, how they ask. This is the query letter I devised.
Dear Ms Smith;
There are thousands of batty middle-aged antiques dealers in Minnesota, but only two of them are vampires---and they refuse to play the game. They may be undead, but they're going to be nice about it.
In my campy mystery NICE GIRLS DON'T BITE, complete at 85,000 words, Louise and Erleen return from a vacation in Romania to discover they can't see themselves in mirrors., they can lift cars, and can see in the dark. Horrified, they vow not to reveal what they have become, and to continue to lead normal lives.
The challenges inherent in their new lifestyle---really bad breath, makeup without mirrors, dining without biting, going to church, not letting on that they're you-know-whatses---are difficult. Wiping out a drug ring masterminded by a Norwegian crime lord from Minneapolis, and two drug dealers from Colombia is easy. After all, staying alive no longer seems to be a problem.
Some might call this a paranormal mystery, but it really isn't a vampire vampire book; it's a funny take on remaining "nice" despite the temptations.
I am a published columnist and an unpublished novelist. NICE GIRLS DON'T BITE is my second completed novel. I'm an MFA, former regional vice-president of Literary Managers & Dramaturgs of the Americas, and founder of Minnesota Writers' Alliance, a nonprofit support group for writers in southeastern Minnesota.
May I send you the full manuscript of NICE GIRLS DON'T BITE for your consideration?
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Joan,
ReplyDeleteThis query letter is pretty good. However, there are a few things I think you should fix (in order from most to least serious):
o This letter does not say why you're contacting a specific agent. Did you read something on their blog that made you think they would be interested? Have they represented a somewhat similar book in the past? Was there something in their website that made them stand out? Were you referred by one of their clients?
Agents are human too, so they're not immune to someone reading and liking their work. It also doesn't hurt to comment on a few of their blog entries (if available) so they start recognizing your name.
o The following paragraph is a bit awkward due to its length, content, and a small typo (period followed by a comma):
In my campy mystery NICE GIRLS DON'T BITE, complete at 85,000 words, Louise and Erleen return from a vacation in Romania to discover they can't see themselves in mirrors., they can lift cars, and can see in the dark. Horrified, they vow not to reveal what they have become, and to continue to lead normal lives.
I'd recommend rewriting the paragraph in the following way:
In my campy mystery NICE GIRLS DON'T BITE, complete at 85,000 words, Louise and Erleen return from a seemingly normal vacation in Romania. However, once home, they discover they have no reflection, the ability to lift cars, and incredible night vision. Horrified, they vow not to reveal what they have become, and to continue to lead normal lives.
o The closing line is usually stated instead of asked. You may also want to thank the agent/publisher for their time. You may want to consider something like this:
If you would like to read more about Louise and Erleen, please contact me for sample chapters or the full manuscript (SASE enclosed). Thank you for your time and consideration.
-- Note: if you are using an email query, make sure to remove the SASE. Also, don't forget to include your address, phone, and email to give the agent/publisher multiple ways to contact you.
o Make sure to italicize the repeated vampire in the fourth paragraph (so it's clear that you intend to repeat yourself).
Hope these ideas help!
One more minor comment: You should only use two hyphens instead of three for an em dash.
ReplyDeleteI should also have noted some of the things I thought were exceptionally good:
Your first paragraph gives an excellent intro to the story. It definitely made me want to keep reading.
I am also curious as to how you pull in the other events/characters you mentioned (crime lords and drug dealers). With any luck, agents and publishers will feel the tug of curiosity as well!